Here we have a blog that is quite a sensitive area for me and may sound a little strange to others.
Since being in Algeria and returning, i seem to have backed away from Islam a little, rather than embrace it. I thought i would feel more spiritual being there, but had mixed feelings. 1 feeling was feeling left out, as i have not converted and cannot pray, yet the second feeling when i returned was that i did'nt feel that spiritual connection and i actually got quite upset.
I spoke to a couple of other sisters about this and they said not to worry and it even happened to one sister i know. I have been back from Algeria just over a week and i am starting to feel better al hamdulillah. I am also meeting up with a good sister friend of mine on Saturday for the day and i will have a good talk with her about this. I know she will help put this in perspective for me.
I have always said that i felt spiritually ready for Islam, but not knowledgeable enough. But after talking with one sister not so long ago, she said to make it (Shahada) and learn after. She said, what if you died today? It was a little scary in a way and made me realise i would'nt end up with my beloved hubby if i died right now. So what to do now....?
It is all a little confusing for me and sometimes feel a bit lost with it all. I think i may have tried to take a little too much on all at once.
Sky Watch
About Me
- Sonya
- I'm all grown up now and married lol. I was married last year and love it. We are now expecting our first baby in February! My one wish is to have a happy and healthy family who grow up in a secure family environment. May God help me to achieve this and succeed.
4 comments:
AsSalaam Alaikum
Actually, this does not surprise me. I think many of us believe that it is easier in some ways to be muslim in England than it is in Algeria. You are usually surrounded by knowledgeable, practising sisters, there are easily accessible lessons, talks, conferences etc, and it is much easier to build your eeman there. Here, it is much more of a challenge. Yes, it is a muslim country - you hear the adhan, you do not face hostility for wearing hijab - but the isolation many of us feel here, does sap our islamic strength. Inshallah you will continue to grow, and will take your shahada very soon.
hey you :) i agree with the sister... that was one thing that pushed me to say the shahada. I know people who say not until this, and not until that.. we never know when our time will end on this earth and remember the quran was given to the early muslims over 23 years.. noone is expected to know everything all at once, not even Muhammed (saws) I wouldnt worry about the feeling over in Algeria, just because u are in a 'muslim' country does mean things should feel different. Although I know this is more of a thing u wanted to feel, I know how hard it is when it doesnt feel like that! I remember the first time i read the quran, I expected this light to shine and for everything to make sense.. nope! insha'allah it will work for you, just get the first thing over with and learn with the rest of us :D alhamdulillah
Thanks for such an enlightening, straight-from-the-heart post. I really apreciate that you can express how you feel so honestly ma sha Allah. You know what, I think that life is full of anti-climaxes. We hype ourselves up with ideas and notions of things and when they don't happen that way, it's difficult to deal with it. BUT, we can pick ouurselves up and carry on. Your spiritual quest is a personal one and often you might find that something external is hindering you. That will always be the case. Even after you become Muslim, or have been Muslim for many years or all your life, levels of faith go up and down. What the sister said is right, take the shahadah and then learn. We really don't know how long we have on this earth. We can never have enough knowledge and are always learning anyway, regardless of how long we've been Muslim. I pray that Allah makes it easy for you and remember, we're always here for you.
xxx
Being introduced to Muslims and Islamic culture is a bit overwhelming at first. Don't worry. And don't do anything you're not sure of. Too many women come to Islam due to marrying a Muslim, not being sure of really wanting Islam, etc. Some even leave Islam out of confusion and disappointment - which is even worse. You are lawful according to Islam for your husband and that is what counts at this time. Allah (swt) makes Muslims and you will know the right thing to do when it is time.
I was Jewish for almost 2 years after marrying my husband; I then became a Muslim because I knew it was truly what I wanted. I came to Islam for Allah (swt).
Hang in, dear! Congrats on your marriage.
PS: Are you Polish? I noticed on another post that you went to Poland. I am Polish!
Post a Comment